Victory. Fuck you GTA IV. You are the worst game I have ever played. I hoped you enjoyed my violent abuse of cheats. It isn't fun when people are doing it to you, now is it? You thought you were better than me, didn't you? Well you're not.
I think the one think I learned about GTA IV throughout this retarded endeavor, is that the fun of playing the game doesn't merely come from watching the cutscenes or accomplishing the tasks in the game. The fun really comes from the meta-game of finding ways around all the goddamned glitches or even just using cheats and not having to worry about the glitches as much. And when you think about it that way, maybe this game did deserve the ridiculous praise it got from the gaming media. We were all too blinded by how terrible and frustrating the actual game is to see it for what it really was. A battle of willpower, between man and machine.
Saturday, July 19, 2008
14 hours in (well actually its more like 16 with all the dying that happened)
The game hates me. You don't understand. It's learning, it's changing, it's evolving. Evolving into an even shittier game that is. At first, I could just hit LB and call a cab. That doesn't work anymore. Now when I need a taxi, they don't show up until I give up trying to find one, steal a car, and get three stars for running over a cop. When I do an escort mission, the person I'm escorting doesn't even get killed by the enemies chasing us. They commit suicide themselves. This has happened in two missions in the last 3 hours.
Clearly this game doesn't want me to win. It's cheating. It's breaking its own rules, the rules that were coded into it, in order to make me lose. In order to make me unhappy. It's time to start fighting fire with fire. I'm going to start using cheats. HAHA what now game? I'm about to rape your disc hole so hard, my dick will start to bleed.
I'm approaching the 24 hour mark. That's actually more like 34 hours without sleep (I started this right after I got home from work). I cannot afford to lose. I can taste the faint aroma of victory. I'm so close.
Clearly this game doesn't want me to win. It's cheating. It's breaking its own rules, the rules that were coded into it, in order to make me lose. In order to make me unhappy. It's time to start fighting fire with fire. I'm going to start using cheats. HAHA what now game? I'm about to rape your disc hole so hard, my dick will start to bleed.
I'm approaching the 24 hour mark. That's actually more like 34 hours without sleep (I started this right after I got home from work). I cannot afford to lose. I can taste the faint aroma of victory. I'm so close.
11 hours in
Whether or not buttons do what they supposed to is up to a carefully coded algorithm that is specifically designed to piss you off. I hit Y to get in a car, I stand still and a taxi parks on top of me. I hit A to get up an run, I writhe around on the ground. I move the control stick forward to pick up an objective, I run in the opposite direction and get shot. I move the camera one way, it moves in 3 random directions. I hit RB to take cover, I run next to a guy with a shotgun and die. Do you think they intended to make the deaths unskippable for the first 2 seconds and in slow-motion as some sort of game-taunting mechanism?
I just got to Alderney. After another 4 hours of hell. I have never hated anything this much in my entire life. Well, except Christians. But that could easily change after the last mission.
I just got to Alderney. After another 4 hours of hell. I have never hated anything this much in my entire life. Well, except Christians. But that could easily change after the last mission.
7 hours in
Holy shit I hate this game. Take away all presentation and voice acting and sandbox gameplay, and the actual missions are actually painful to play because of how glitchy the game is. I used to tell people, "yeah, it has it's problems, but the game as a whole is okay." But it's not. Not at all. This is only making me hate Gamespot even more for giving it a 10.
Clearly I haven't even been playing straight since 5:45 yesterday, but I have not slept. As a testament to how shitty the xbox 360 is, I took an hour break every three hours for fear of the disc breaking or the system overheating. Then I refueled with beer and coffee for uh, 6 hours and came back to it.
What have I learned so far? Cops are basically induced glitching. They don't really try to kill you, they just ram you with their cars to annoy you. Um, every car handles like an average car in San Andreas with the tires shot out. Also, if you don't do exactly what the game wants you to do, it punishes you in the cruelest methods imaginable.
Clearly I haven't even been playing straight since 5:45 yesterday, but I have not slept. As a testament to how shitty the xbox 360 is, I took an hour break every three hours for fear of the disc breaking or the system overheating. Then I refueled with beer and coffee for uh, 6 hours and came back to it.
What have I learned so far? Cops are basically induced glitching. They don't really try to kill you, they just ram you with their cars to annoy you. Um, every car handles like an average car in San Andreas with the tires shot out. Also, if you don't do exactly what the game wants you to do, it punishes you in the cruelest methods imaginable.
Friday, July 18, 2008
Beating GTA IV without sleeping
Well, fuck the drug neuroscience shit I was going to do originally. I accidentally erased my goddamned save so I'm gonna try to get it back as fast as possible because fuck fate.
Also, for some reason the times given on the blog are fucking up and aren't accurate. I don't know how to use this space age technology.
Also, for some reason the times given on the blog are fucking up and aren't accurate. I don't know how to use this space age technology.
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